2 March 2011

We saw our baby's heart beat!! It was such a miracle! We went in and I was rather nervous - it was the weirdest feeling to know that there was absolutely nothing that I could do! I just had to leave it in God's hands and let Him do the rest. I explained to the doctor about what had happened and he said well let's have a look. My heart was beating like crazy as he started the scan and I said to him that I was praying big time about this baby and that my faith was so strong at the moment. He smiled and said that is good but remember you can't change God's mind! And there it was, our tiny little 2.5cm baby with a beating heart! I wanted to cry when I saw it! The Lord is so good. He told me that it had been a threatened miscarriage - hence the bleeding but all was good with baby! What an answer to prayer! I may not have been able to change His mind but His word is so true and that was all I was believing in! I still need to just take it easy for a bit but there is life in my womb - our own tiny baby that we will get to love and cherish one day. It makes my heart swell with joy! To be a part of creation and to know that such a small little thing already has all its organs and is growing every day! What a miracle!

26th February 2011

The last few weeks have run away from me! Crazy how when you don’t keep track of things every day, you seem to get further away from doing it and then it never gets done!! We spent a week in Harare, Ethan’s 3rd birthday party – what a cute kid he is! Matt had a few things to do with the house in town and also feed back with the St John’s prefects and he spoke at their Scripture Union the one day. I love going back into town to see the family and to spend time with my little boys, but really the traffic there drives us mad! We are used to a traffic jam being a herd of cows crossing the road, but back in town it is insane public transport guys who I’m sure most of them bought their licenses! Anyways, the time was good and we found out in that time that I am pregnant again! After the last time we made sure we went straight to the doctor and he was able to scan and there was the little person. It is such an amazing thing to be part of creation like that! This is all such a complex thing though, to know that yes there is a little person inside of me, but not being able to see it all the time it is total faith that it is ok and that it is growing. This past week has been a tough one. We headed off on Monday morning to Marondera, 2 hours from us, where we were facilitating a camp for an orphanage from Nyanga. It was our first one together and we were looking forward to it. I was hit immediately by the enemy, well that is how I see it! His way of getting to Matt is often by taking me down! In Genesis it shows he hates Eve and that is how he draws man away from his mission – he attacks his princess. But we prayed and fought and I rested the whole week. You see I started bleeding and of course instantly I panicked after last time and was questioning God and crying out to him to please not let it happen again! The pain was so much last time, the heart breaking is not an easy wound to get over, only by the grace of God! I spent the days of camp in bed, resting and praying and crying out to God and praying some more. I have been reading a book called “Supernatural Childbirth” which could sound totally freaky but it’s just based on the word of God and how He is so much more powerful and that his word says He has blessed the fruit of my womb! I prayed the prayers against miscarriage and really felt a peace. It was a good time for me to spend with God, to know Him as my father, a father who cares and knows my anguish! It stopped and we rejoiced and believe that this child is a child of faith and that God is doing a miracle. It may have been nothing serious but it was still scary!

The camp went well and they are such special children. It broke my heart to hear some of their stories of abuse and neglect! How could someone do that to their child??? They were very timid at first and unfortunately there was the language barrier that we were stuck on, we had 3 guys with us who worked with them too and were able to translate all of Matt’s talks, but really we NEED to learn Shona! These are children who don’t have a whole lot, most of them are behind in school because of lack of education and malnutrition, but they aspire to be great things like engineers and teachers and nurses! What an example they could be to so many children who have it all and don’t even want to use it!

It was amazing to see how much the children had opened up by the end of the camp, their faces were brighter and they were more willing to talk and joke around with us! Such a blessing to work with children like that – to see their faith in God, when they would all close their eyes and pray aloud to “Mwari” (God) it brought tears to my eyes. I cried a lot those few days! I am convinced that God has buckets and buckets of my tears that perhaps he will shower down on someone else as a blessing one day! We are hoping to go and see them again soon and spend some more time with them. Their house is only about 50 minutes away from us.
We headed home and it was so nice to see our little puppies again, they have grown so much! Part of last weeks happenings was that the chickens were let out for the first time and Pedro decided he wanted one of them! We were in our bedroom when suddenly there was a blur past the bedroom window followed by a bark and a cluck! And there was Pedro hot in the heels of the poor chicken who wasn’t really that fast but had obviously convinced itself that if it went round and round a bush it may get rid of the dog, alas Pedro saw this as a challenge and he wet round and round the bush too! Matt laughed for a while and then realized that this was serious when Pedro had the chicken in his mouth! Whether he was gonna eat it or just play with it a while we didn’t want to find out, Matt got to it just in time though and the chicken was able to calm itself down inside of another bush. The chickens have since taken to going the other side of the garden and it seems the puppies have lost the desire to chase them!

Last week we were able to have our first proper bath though with hot and cold water! Matt was able to unblock the pipes in the bathroom and we can run the cold water now and flush the toilet! Completely novel to hear to the sound of water going into a toilet! Small things that are such a blessing. It was very exciting. It was Matt’s birthday too, so I baked a chocolate cake and the Edwards clan came to spend the day with us. It consisted of going down to the little canal where the water pumps along and each of us had a boat of some description (twigs, corks, bottles, pieces of wood – you name it) and set them off down the canal for a race, eating chocolate cake and more chocolate cake and climbing the tree that was cut down at the dam. It was a pretty exciting race, funny how a small piece of something can make people so competitive! The kids won all of them though! And they thoroughly enjoyed adventuring through the branches of the big ‘ole tree. I knew it would be a place of enjoyment for children.

The last 12 hours have been pretty tough again. I was fine all of yesterday but was hit with an emotional break down! I just kept asking God the why question and wasn’t getting a clear answer. Amazing how the enemy so easily makes us doubt and be confused but I refuse to let him get the better of me and I gave this pregnancy all to the Lord again. My poor husband can do nothing but love me and hug me. I keep saying that verse in Hebrews 11:1 “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.” I can’t see what is going on but just have to trust and believe that all is well. I have a doctor’s appointment on Monday morning.
I have been reading a book called “More than Conquerors” and it really is a good read if anyone ever sees it but reading it yesterday I read a story that I felt so applied to me and my faith.

During a weekly Bible study group in Kentucky, the book of Malachi was being studied. In Malachi 3:3, they read “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.” The group discussed this analogy to understand what the significance was. It seemed the Lord chooses to put his people in the furnace; the purpose is to burn off the impurities; god watches the refining process take place; it’s a painful process. One woman in the group was fascinated by the analogy and wanted to gain the full impact of it, so she went to see a silversmith in action the following day. She observed him at work for a while, and then she asked him, “Do you have to sit the whole time the refining process is taking place?”
“Yes,” he replied, “it’s crucial - because if the refining process is exceeded by the slightest degree, the silver will be damaged.”
The woman was comforted by the thought that similarly the Lord was watching over her, and however difficult her current circumstances were he was in control. He wouldn’t let the refining process go on a minute longer than was required, because his purposes were good, and he didn’t want her to be damaged.
The silversmith carried on gazing intently into the furnace. After a while, the woman got up to leave, but as she was halfway out of the door, he called her back and told her he had forgotten one important detail: he only knew that the refining process was complete when he could see his own image reflected in the silver! (More than Conquerors by Simon Guillebaud)

This may not totally apply to faith, but for me at this time I believe it does. I can so see that the Lord is allowing me to get to a point where I seek Him wholeheartedly and put my trust in him alone! When we allow him to do the work, it may be painful at the time but it is so very rewarding as we draw closer to Him and see His face in where we are at in such a new way!
So it is well with my soul, and we continue to trust and believe and pray!