28th March 2011

I have been avoiding writing because I have just not had the words to say really. The last few weeks have been one battle after the next. Matt got back safely after a very long time at the border, a long, hot, frustrating 2 days. It is criminal what goes on there – the ‘officials’ just wanting bribes and anything that is a normal process for clearing a vehicle is just a mission because if you don’t pay they don’t sway!!! Matt had to sleep at the border – which is like hell really – hot, no water to drink (not clean anyway), mosquitoes when he was trying to sleep in the car, so ended up on the pavement…just what I imagine hell to be like! But he returned home to me safely! We spent a few days in Harare after that – I went to the doctor who was so sad at about the miscarriage and has asked me to do a few blood tests just to check that all is ok. I felt so sad myself going there – knowing that last time we had been in his office we saw the heart beat.

We returned to Bonda – via Juliasdale to spend the weekend with the Edwards’. On our way there the sun started to set and it was a glorious few moments. The whole sky was lit up with pinks and oranges. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. The ahead of us was the full moon rising (it was the closest to the earth that it has been in 18 years – so it was already very bright). I said to Matt that I felt the Israelites in the desert with the fire and the pillar of cloud to protect them – (ours was a sunset and a moon though!) I just had this overwhelming feeling watching this amazing scene of creation taking place that God was saying to me this is how much I love you! I began to weep and said to Matt that as much as I want to be angry with God for taking our baby I just couldn’t when we are surrounded by such beauty all the time and He gives us beautiful sunsets and full moons just to acknowledge his greatness!

Matt preached that Sunday at the sweet little church in Juliasdale that we go to. His whole theme was that no matter what we go through we need to keep the faith – he quoted from his favourite movie “Braveheart” that they may take our lives but they may never take our freedom. And that is what life is about, it is a battle and we can choose to let the enemy get the better of us and just give up or we can choose to fight and although it is tough and we lose heart we know that we can keep strong knowing that through it all the Lord is strengthening our perseverance and refining us to be something greater. We can learn through our hardships.

It was so refreshing to be back home though, to the familiarity of the half tiled bathroom and the brown hot water from the boiler, it is home and it is where we are meant to be!